Advice to America's Liberal Mayors

Crosshairs Unlike much of the mainstream media, I continue my policy of waiting until there are a few actual facts and results rather than pure speculation before wasting anyones time, including my own, by writing this. Of course then I wasted time rewriting it -- twice.

An acquaintance whom I hold in high respect as a person, regardless of his politics, recently accused me of focusing on the 'dark side' of news and events, Apparently I pay attention to what can go wrong and I'm not easily distracted by the all of the bright shiny objects the media dangles in front of me.

OK, I admit it, and stand guilty as charged. I do seem to be cursed with an uncanny ability to identify the potential unintended consequences of most actions, positive as well as negative. In fact, it's one of the things I get paid an absurd amount of money to do. (Last week alone I cleared almost a buck three ninety eight.)

Of course we can all see why someone might support a boycott against a business owned by a pervert, drug dealer, gang banger or other nere-do-well. Ditto, a business that practiced illegal discrimination in it's business, hiring or service policies.

But slip on your tin-foil hat (available at the door) for a moment, and walk with me into "The Eggman's World of the Extreme and Absurd."

For the sake of the popular for the day prime directive, "everything must be fair and equal," I'll take the entire Chick-Fil-A™ fiasco to an extreme, and suggest some similar boycotts.

I figure that if enough wacky activist extremists boycott American businesses with the same result as this one it could be the jump-start that the economy needs.

So listen up Mayors and City Councils everywhere.

Here are my ideas for some more boycotts and even an outline for a government program to help protect the poor, stupid, moronic, demographic group loosely called 'consumers' from evil business owners who dare express an opinion, unless it agrees with yours.

Immediate Steps Liberal Mayors Must Take to
Save Their Communities

Catholics don't believe in abortion or birth control.
Catholic schools teach these beliefs to innocent children

Therefore:

Support Boycotts of All Catholic Owned or Operated Businesses
Deny Building Permits to Catholic Owned Businesses
Raise Taxes on Catholic Businesses to help pay for their persecution.
Close Catholic Schools

Jews don't believe that Jesus is the Messiah.
A few more conservative Jews, however, do believe in the Biblical definition of marriage. Here you must be sure to punish the majority for the beliefs of the minority.

Therefore:

Boycott All Jewish Owned and Operated Business
Deny Building Permits to Jewish Owned Businesses
Raise Taxes on Jewish Businesses to make them pay for their persecution.

Atheists Don't Believe in God! And what about those Unitarians, geez, who knows WHAT they believe? And OMG - those weird Scientologists, and secretive Mormons. ( I wonder what they are hiding in their underground fortress. )

Therefore:

Either don't permit these radicals inside your city limits, or openly embrace them*, whatever rubs your Buddha. (Oh my, can you believe I almost left out Buddhists, Hindus, Druids and heathen idol worshipers. )
* (Unless they cause trouble by speaking out. Then you should add them to your enemies list.)

I recommend that all of the particular Mayors and local governments involved take immediate action to deny and or revoke: business, building, hunting, fishing and other permits issued to these radicals.

Immediately increase health and code inspections and other harassments. Monitor and persecute the customers of all offending businesses.

City Moral Code Post signs outside businesses advising people to avoid that establishment because of the religious beliefs of the owner, CEO, manager or maybe even the guy who sweeps the parking lot.

Establish a Department of Religious and Philosophical Registration where such dangerous people would be required to register their sexual preference(s), religious leanings and philosophical beliefs. These would all be combined into an Undesirability Score.

A summary of this registration information would be required to be prominently posted on a sign outside of registered businesses and be made available on the Internet. After all, "It's a Consumer's Right To Know!"

I advise the above actions for three simple reasons

As soon as your signs go up, all of the sane people will know that this business deserves their support and patronage. In these depressed times, these businesses can certainly use the extra publicity, customers and sales.
The business boom resulting from the unintended consequences of your stupidity will certainly help the economy.
Immediately after your official regulations and/or sanctioned harassment go into effect, a marauding horde of greedy lawyers will descend upon you, your city, your city council and anybody they can vaguely connect to this stupidity like a swarm of thirsty Vampire Bats.
When the lawyers are finished draining your blood, the civil suits will make certain that what's left of your financially dessicated carcasses remain picked clean until the day you meet your maker -- or not.
(It seems that a public official, persecuting a segment of The People and/or denying a civil right based upon religious belief is a Federal Offense. It could even be considered a hate crime.}

BREAKING NEWS

Recent reports show that many people of the Black persuasion are also devout Christians, and believe in the Biblical definition of marriage.

Therefore it important that you not forget to harass and boycott the Black owned businesses in your cities as well.

Apparently an unintended consequence of attempts to impose officially condoned intolerance and racism will result in the infusion of a huge amount of money into the community as people of all races flock to these businesses both in protest, and to prove that they are not bigots.

I'm certain that the results of your efforts will also be properly rewarded.

'Your' people will surely present you with an early retirement offer that you can't refuse.

This is a win-win-win if I ever saw one!

In the Interim

BOYCOTT EVERYBODY
it could be the Jump Start the economy needs.

AND When It's All Over ...

Please explain to me again how Liberals are so much more tolerant than Conservatives.

Inquiring minds want to know.

<-- His Mark